


The Memories You left behind

by NocturnalAwe



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Memories, Minor Violence, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-12-01 20:27:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20889587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NocturnalAwe/pseuds/NocturnalAwe
Summary: Dib has a walk through memory lane his beloved Irken left behind. In order to protect what the alien had love most, Zim had left. His fear of hurting Dib had drove him to search for a way to fix it. When he comes back, hes met with the sad reality he left behind.





	The Memories You left behind

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: I wrote this while I was having a breakdown so it's pretty aweful.. it gets kinda dark near the end so if you dont like descriptions of self harm or anything, please dont read..

Dib sat in his apartment, his legs hanging over the railing as tears spilled down his sunken in cheeks. Red rimmed eyes felt tired and raw from the constant breakdowns. 

Zim had been gone for only a year but it felt longer than that, the apartment uncomfortably quiet and the memories of their broken relationship scattering the rooms didn't help his case any. Zim had promised him he was okay with everything, okay with them. The alien slowly breaking down from the pressure of their new relationship had made Dib wants to take it all back, no matter how hard it hurt to wish that. Anything was better than being alone, even if he wouldn't be able to hold the Irken like he loved.

He loved the stupid alien so much that when he left it broke him. The stars above him mocking Dib. The fact he couldn't go after Zim making anger boil within him.

Malfunctions became more frequent and more physical. Dib always let Zim do what he needed to get over his minor glitches, even if it left him with a black eyes and a multiple wounds. 

Zim was by no means a bad partner. However, he knew that the Irken had no control of the violent malfunctions he had faced. He would black out and wake up with Dib on the floor. His gentle touches and apologies broke Dib more than the physical pain ever could. 

The Irken tried tirelessly to fix the pak so he wouldn't hurt Dib anymore but it only made things worse. He had gotten so bad that he set alarms to the pak to warn him when he was about to have an episode. 

Zim left because he thought he was a liability to the person he loved. A small note left behind before he packed his vroot and left Dib alone. He came home to an extremely clean and empty apartment. No welcome home or sounds of cleaning. Just silence. 

Dib swallowed another sob as he lit another cigarette. A nasty habit he picked up again after Zim left. Zim made him promise so many years ago that he wouldn't do it again. As well as other things. He helped Dib so much.. Even when Dib did it a few times out of stress Zim still helped him get through it..

Zim was the love of his life.. and he was gone.. 

\--

"Do you plan to sit out here smoking the entire pack Dib-mate?" The irritated tone the Invader gave the human made Dib chuckled sadly and lie on his back, looking up at the green figure behind him.

"Caught me, babe" he gruffly mumbled and felt the stick being pulled from his mouth and thrown over the edge of the balcony by his boyfriend. 

"Caught you, indeed. You promised Zim no more, Dib!" He gritted out and kicked Dibs head gently. Dib frowned and sat up. His shoulders hunched as he looked at the city view around them. "I'm sorry.." 

After a few moments he felt a hand run through his hair and leaned his head back to stare up at the alien. His face filled with a weird calm expression. "Don't let it happen again.." his tone gentle yet threatening.. he ghosted a kiss against the humans lips before pulling away and gagging. 

"Now fix that.. that horrible taste!" Zim growled as he walked back inside.

"Love you too asshole!" Dib chuckled and looked at the distant lights in contempt. 

\--

Dib had planned for months to get in touch with his sister but thought against it.. she had a family now.. she had problems of her own. So he just sat in his apartment, working from home and wallowing in his own depression. 

Dib stopped contacting her after he realized that she was spending most of her time and effort to help him.. She would come over after work and help him get his mind off of Zim each day. Her eyes turning sad as she saw her brother slowly deteriorate before her. Dib couldn't stand watching her do that for him, so he had just told her that he was going to stay with a friend. What a liar..

Dib leaned his head against the bars and he took a shaky breath before getting up and walking back into the messy apartment, usually kept clean due to the Irkens germ fear. After month two Dib had given up hope that Zim would walk back in that door. The small Irken, without fail, would demand to be hugged and kissed. Even if he was feeling like he couldn't handle it. It was his favorite part of the day..

\--

"THIS PLACE IS A MESS! YOURE WORSE THAN GIR WAS. INCOMPITANT HUMAN." Zim growled as he marched around the kitchen angrily. Dib forgot to clean the house and ended up working on his project for work instead. He promised the Alien that he would get it done before he came home.. oops. 

"Zim, I got distracted with my project I'm sorry.." 

Zim picked up around the house angrily and ignored the humans apology. His antennae flicking with irritation. 

"Zim gave you one thing to do, Dib-stink, and you sit on your ass all day!" He pushed passed the boy and threw clothes into the hamper. "Unbelievable."

Dib sighed and walked to the alien, his face sad as he wrapped his arms around the smaller form and kissed each antennae. "Babe.. sit down.. I'll take care of it."

"Zim is angry with you Dib-monkey. This sweet talk does nothing to quell such anger." He scoffed and pulled away. "You will do as Zim asked of you this morning and help with the rest." Zim huffed and started doing the laundry. 

Dib nodded and cupped the aliens face, giving him a short but meaningful kiss. Their lips dances across each other briefly but wonderfully. This Irken chirped on instinct as Dib pulled away. 

"I love you.." Dib whispered to Zim and just got a flustered nod back. He knew why he didn't say it.. but that look on his face made Dib happy nonetheless.

\--

The cat they had got for Dibs birthday had been a rescue calico cat. Her eyes shimmering blue and her cute nose and paws were a ghostly pink. She was more so Zims cat by the second day of living with them. Zim had grown gravely attached to their new member of the family that he even stopped everything to sit and give her pets. It was adorable.. 

Dib filled the food dish for their cat and walked into the kitchen. The sink full of dirty dishes he had yet to get to. Dibs hands shook as he stared at the sink. 

\-- 

The human gave his boyfriend a weird look as he watched the alien pet their cat on the kitchen floor, rubber gloves thrown onto the other side of the kitchen. He had come to get some water but got more than he deserved. 

Dib watched the Irken coo at the cat as she rubbed her face against his cheek. Zim had forgotten the dishes to pet the cat.. he couldn't even get Zim to stop cleaning to give him love.. lucky cat..

Dib pulled out his phone and took a couple pictures of the alien before smiling and clearing his throat. 

The Irken perked his antennae and shot his gaze to the human, the phone pointing at him as Dib took a video of the surprise in the aliens face. 

"YOU FILTHY HUMAN!" Zim seethed. He put the cat down and bolted to Dib. "DELETE THOSE IMMEDIATELY!" He grabbed at the phone lifted above the humans head in anger.

"It's not like I have anybody to show them to! You were so cute I had to, Zim!"

Zim growled and marched to his place in front of the sink and put the gloves on. "Zim knows where you sleep." He gritted out and continued to what he had been doing.

Dib gave an amused smirk and walked behind Zim, wrapping his hands around his waist and kissed Zims antennae affectionately. He rocked them back and forth in a swinging motion gently and hummed.

"Do you now?" He gave a sly kiss to the side of Zim's head and rubbed circles into those tiny hips.

Zim smirked and slowly turned around to face the human. His gloved hands gripped the humans shirt and slowly pulled the human down, his smirk growing. 

"On the floor like the filthy pig you are if you don't delete those photos of Zim." He murmured gently and pushed the human off him, before turning around and continuing with the dishes. 

Dib huffed and shook his head. "So sensitive." He proceeded to put copies of the photos in a secret file and deleted the original ones. The file was filled with photos that Zim had asked him to delete.. he didn't really have the heart to.. so he did the next best thing. Dib felt a bit bad for lying but he loved each one too much to delete them.

"There, I deleted it.." he showed Zim the empty space the pictures were. Zim nodded in contentment and reached to pull the human close, giving him a gentle kiss on the lips. His chirps of enjoyment came out as the human turned Zim fully around and pushed him against the sink softly. The kiss deepening into something more desperate. 

Zim ran a gloved hand through the black hair, knocking the glasses a bit as he did. His back arched into the human as their bodies pressed close together. He teeth caught onto the humans bottom lip as his breaths came out in pants. 

"Zim.. I love-."

Suddenly beeping sounded through the silence and Zim pushed the human away as fast as he could. His eyes wide as he threw the rubber gloves off and whined. 

"Dib-mate, go to the bedroom.. Lock the door!" he gritted as Zim hands shook his vision started to fade at the edges. 

Dib shook his head and cupped Zims face gently, rubbing circles into the green cheeks gently. "I'm not leaving, Zim." 

Zim let out another plea before he went limp.

\--

Dib made his way to the bedroom and stared into it as his shoulder leaned against the doorframe. Clothes scattered the floor in a mess, packs of cigarettes and empty bottles of alcohol on the floor as well. 

Dib looked up at the mirror above their dresser facing the bed. His sickly looking body made Dib want to curl up and cry. His once muscular frame became thin and frail, bright brown eyes had become sunken in and red from the nights of crying. His untamed hair a greasy mess.

Dib walked to the dresser and just stood there.. the room around his reflection slightly lit by the moon shining through the blinds. 

\--

"Does this suit make me look okay??" Dib frowned as he stared at his boyfriend in the reflection. Zim, pulling on his shoes, gave a quizzical look at Dib before he smirked. 

"If we weren't already late you'd be ravished by Zim in a spooch-beat, Dib-mate." The Irken licked his lips hungrily and finished pulling on his shoes. 

Dib blushed furiously and nodded. The look Zim gave him made him feel extremely warm.. It was hungry and predatory. It made Dib wish he didn't have to be to Gazes wedding early just so he could show Zim how much that comment made him feel. 

"Now! Let's fix that hair of yours, Human." Zim came up behind Dib and reached a hand to run through his hair. "You can't go looking like this." 

Dib scoffed and gave him an offended look. 

"I brushed it! Isn't that good enough?" Zim ignored his comment and pulled Dib into a sitting position on their bed. His face giving a look of distaste as he started to put gel on his hands. 

"Zim will not have his Mate looking like he just rolled out of bed!" 

Zim slicked the humans hair back and started to play with it to get it to look almost identical to Zims styled wig. Dib huffed and pulled the Irken closer to him, shoving his face in Zims chest as he worked on his hair. The aliens own tux shaped his body in such a way that made Dib feel giddy. The small yet toned body was a gift from the universe.

Zim chattered in Irken and pulled away. His smile grew as he nodded. "Acceptable! Now, we should get going. I'm sure you Sibling-unit is waiting." He swooped down to peck Dib on the lips and started to the door. Dib just smiled and grabbed his keys and her Wedding gift. 

"Dork.." 

\-- 

Dibs mind blanked as his hand made contact with the mirror, the sound of shattering and glass falling echoed in the empty apartment. His eyes wide with rage as he felt the dull pain shooting through his arm. Thick drops of blood scattered the carpeted floors as he numbly watched his hand shake. 

He's gone.. 

His eyes slowly wandered to the glass around him as he crouched to the floor and picked up a sharp looking shard of glass. Dibs hands shook as he placed it over his thin wrist. 

Dibs eyes scrunched up in anger and sadness, thick tears blinded him as he felt pain shock through his entire arm. The thick blade cutting up his arm in reckless abandoned. After a moment of labored breathing, Dibs eyes widened. 

"FUCK!" 

Dib ran to the bathroom and turned on the faucet. His shaking arm shoved under the water as he watched the blood wash away but still come in thick waves, making his head feel light. 

Dib pulled out his phone and dialed 911 as fast as he could and held the phone against his ear. 

"911 what is you-" 

"2095 starlight road, apartment 10. I injured myself.." his words shaky as he felt his vision start to bleed at the sides.

Dib pulled a towel from the cabinet and wrapped his arm in it before sitting on the floor against the wall. 

"Hurry.. losing blood.." he groaned as the pain started to grow. The towel turning red from the amount of blood he was losing. 

"Sir, we have someone on the way.. I need you to tell me your name and what happened." The woman's voice soft and rushed.

Dib lulled his head against the wall and huffed a breath. "I- ugh.. freaked out.. broken mirror.. it's getting dark.." Dibs body grew heavy as he closed his eyes. 

The woman said something on another line before asking him another question he couldn't understand. Her voice sounded far away and quiet.. 

"..Zim… I'm sorry.." he mumbled as he let the tears fall down his cheeks.

His hand loosened around the phone as it clattered to the floor and the world became slow. His body going limp into the silence of the bathroom not having the energy to move.

"Sir! Are you there?! SIR!" The woman on the end of the emergency line. A loud noise of the front door slamming open was all he heard as men pulled his body onto a gurney and whisked him outside. 

His dull eyes focused on the sky as he was pulled outside and into the open air. The stars looked so bright.. 

Dib heard a voice in the distance over the ones around him, probing him for answers. As he was being pulled into the back of the vehicle, his eyes caught a glimpse of a green blob pushing at another person shaped blob and screaming. 

"LET ZIM GO FILTHY HUMAN! LET ZIM SEE HIS MATE!" The panicked scream was cut off as the doors closed. The muffled screaming continued as the world faded into darkness.

**Author's Note:**

> I seem to write stuff like this a lot. I might write a second chapter but idk. I think it ended p okay.


End file.
